Twelve states are revising their social media policies this fall. In Statesboro, GA Lewis Holloway–the superintendent–imposed a new policy prohibiting private electronic communication after learning that Facebook and text messages helped fuel a relationship between an 8th grade teacher and a 14 year-old student.
This is foolish for the following reasons:
1. You’re not changing the teacher’s motive by limiting electronic communication–you’re only making it more difficult for the student to reach the teacher.
2. Pretty sure Priests aren’t texting altar boys, but according to Holloway, “our children are vulnerable through new means, and we’ve got to find new ways to protect them.”
3. If we were more focused on school cheating scandals and not social media, maybe our children wouldn’t have fallen from top of the class to average in world education rankings.
Social media isn’t corrupt. Where are our morals when the people we look to as heroes–coaches, teachers, priests–are molesting our children? I’m blown away that we think limiting a means of access to information is going to change the motives of a pedophile. We need a change of focus. Instead of limiting social media because it may lead to an inappropriate relationship, we should start cutting off appendages. I say this in all honesty. If you were going to lose your penis because you molested someone, you would probably think twice. With this problem solved, we could then move on to getting our nation’s children back into ‘above average’ rankings.
Words and phrases that drive Mother, She Wrote crazy, in no particular order of hate level.
1. Hunker Down, Take Cover’s older, more established, college graduate brother.
2. Humdinger. Similar to ‘really good’ only lame.
3. Mustache. These should really be regulated.
4. Phalange. Let’s just go with finger on this one.
5. Scuttlebutt. A Rumor born on a doily.
6. Nibble. Making references to bunnies all day every day.
7. We’re Pregnant, an easy way to confuse children before Sex Ed.
8. Reiterate. Just tell me again, but don’t waste my time on a four syllable word.
9. Pussy Footin Around, I could barely type this one.
10. Brunch. Are you breakfast or lunch? Similar to the hatchback, brunch can’t make a decision, or did breakfast and lunch just have a baby?
Independence vs. Dependence, small changes in the life of Mother, She Wrote. Brought to you by: Singlehood.
1. Car Status
2. Guest Seating
3. Pony Lessons
4. Neighborhood Renewal Volunteers
4. Happy Hour
5. Food Prep
6. Christmas Decorations
7. Holiday Stockings
A recent explosion in Iran was just a set back on their long-range missile program. Thankfully, they’ll have this up and running again soon, allowing Iran to move forward making weapons to destroy both Israel and the US. The AP was able to gather more information from a closed-door meeting late last week:
Pinky: Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight?
Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky – try to take over the world!
Newt is surging in polls but still facing big challenges independent of his noggin size. Supporters of Romney signed enough signatures allowing him to be on ballets in both Vermont and Alabama–Newt is just beginning the campaign in these states. In a closed captioning interview, Newt stated that “I’m hoping that the size of my head will reach over county lines to force ballet signatures.”
You can now pay 60 thousand dollars for a two-week cruise to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean to see the Titanic. The descent is 2.5 hours and currently, 80 people who didn’t see the 1997 *movie are scheduled to go. *Sadly, Rose doesn’t move over on the cruise either.
China has 3.2 trilion dollars in bonds but sadly Beijing will not help the European crisis as this money represents national savings and is not easily distributed. This greed comes as a shock to most world leaders, as China is normally very giving with their censorship of free speech, donation of jail time to activists, and delivering biodiversity of unprecedented proportions since the 7 day creation.
Carbon Dioxide emissions has jumped more than ever recorded. This increase has confirmed a trend making it impossible to stop climate change in the future.
Barnes and Noble knows what you’re up to when you walk around looking at unique book covers to decide which ones to buy online. Looking and not buying is called Show Rooming. Sadly, we will all feel like criminals when we Show Room from this point forward.
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I was pressed for time. My interview was in two hours but naturally I had gotten up four hours ahead of time knowing Daughter would prove impossible on such an important morning. I thought of some of the things I’ve mastered, but can’t put on the resume.
1. Perfected Bladder Holding capabilities. Able to hold bladder until infection, stemming from the desire to embrace Mother, She Wrote respite over pp interruption.
2. Authored Eating Avoidance: A How to Guide to Prevent Faintness Resulting from a Sudden Drop in Blood Sugar. Please see the write-up below featured in Times Book Review.
According to her new book Eating Avoidance by Mother, She Wrote, “simply surviving on fear, which results when one project doesn’t get completed, will nix your bodies natural desire to faint.” She goes on to encourage you to press through feelings of faintness by really honing in on the emotions that will surface when Daughter wakes from night-night land and the to-do list’s last project mocks you.
3. Adopted the Sleep When Dead Mentality.
4. Mastered Ambidextrous Best Practices. More times than not, Mother, She Wrote is a Left Handed Keyboard Pecker as her right is being used as a security blankie.
5. Strengthened Reaction Time. Once opened cabinet and caught a can of soup with her left elbow, imprisoning it to the cabinet door as she continued making soup.
6. Invented Patience. Now owning traffic, Mother, She Wrote catches up on talk radio in preparation for her next adult conversation, allowing multiple cut-offs and even using caution at yellow lights.
7. Translated Gibberish on a daily basis from the same Daughter with multiple languages.
8. Revitalized Creative Concepts. Dominating all art projects within the home. Please see insert in portfolio for Mother, She Wrote vs. Daughter comparison.
9. Executed Rapid Response each morning. Sadly, Daughter can’t be snoozed.
10. Motivated and supervised Potty Time resulting in Poopoo Potty Award of Excellence 2011.
I can be large or small. I’m usually under the radar, but become fussy with too much company, preferring my independence. You can hold me, or sometimes you can’t.
We have a gene in our family that allows us to pit continuously, specifically in stressful situations. The gene has been negative toward us most of our lives, often resulting with family members being labeled as ‘yellow underarm’ or ‘unable to wear a business shirt without pads in place.’ I have started pitting again, most recently due to a high stress environment. Below is are some illustrations of pitting and a simple step to follow to limit its’ embarrassment.
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